You may have noticed that things have been quiet on here for way too long. Well, there’s been a few things going on recently but I am officially back and in the blogging game again.
In terms of the lack of anything recently, that’s been down to a few reasons which I struggle with talking about but mentally I haven’t been in a great place for a lot of 2019 but I’m working on it and trying to make a real improvement this year. I find that putting down my thoughts and happy memories here really helps me to put everything in focus and perspective but I truly struggle with finding the motivation to sit down and dedicate any time. That doesn’t just go for this blog, I have let a lot of things slip and while it might just come off to some as making excuses for being lazy it’s not. It affects my social life as well. I am the girl who ignores texts for days at a time, not because I don’t want to talk to you, quite the opposite. It’s just like, a fear of expectation of what replying to that text means. To you, it’s just meeting for a coffee and a chat but it’s so much more to me. It’s a lot of work. I spent a lot of 2019 tired, and these last few Winter months have been especially hard in terms of tiredness, no that’s not the right word. I haven’t just felt tired, I have felt drained, both physically and emotionally. But to put a positive back onto it, I am trying to get out of this rut. I have seen the doctors and now its time to put into place everything they have taught me. So I’m on a concoction of various tablets and vitamins and I have been taking these for a few weeks now and today was the first day I can honestly say that yeah, I feel better. The tiredness is still there but it’s manageable. I started replying to the texts and arranging coffee and cocktail dates but it’s still baby steps. A little at a time.
Thankfully through all this, I have had my best friend and soulmate by my side. My amazing husband who has been so supportive and not judged me once, he got it. He saw how I was struggling and he knew when I needed that push to get me out of a slump and when I needed a day in bed to hide from the world. I have learnt to be so much more open with him about how I feel. At first, this felt so awkward and I would get so frustrated that I couldn’t find the words but he listened throughout. He’s even agreed to join the gym with me!! A few years ago I went to the gym regularly and I always found this helped with my anxiety and issues, its something to focus on, a distraction and honestly I could do with losing a bit of weight.
My weight is something I have been especially battling with the last few years but last year I put on a LOT of weight. I know why and I’m trying not to judge past me too hard but as I mentioned above I struggled with a lot and this led to too many takeaways, too many nights on the sofa and too many “treat yo self” nights. I don’t get hung up on the numbers on my clothes, my wardrobe has size 10-16 in it. But, things are tighter, some don’t fit anymore and I can’t continue on this way. So, yeah, here I am trying my hardest to be a healthier, happier person this year. Part of that means more honest, open blogs like this but of course I will still post all my exploits and travels and all the really good and happy things that happen because life is a balance.
Some days I will fail but that’s okay, every sunrise brings a new day, a new chance to start again.